metal art

speaking of hearts

It seems like hearts are a theme for me right now. Do you remember Stan? Stan is the metal man I created a few years ago. Stan was in need of a heart and he found his when Otis, his companion dog, was created. Stan's heart was created out of the same material as Otis to symbolize the love he had gained. Stan and Otis lived together at 1813 Capitol Ave in Midtown Sacramento for about 4 years. Last May, Otis was stolen from this public spot and since then, Stan has been alone – arms outstretched waiting for his companion to come home. I think it was a sign of the times ... we’ve all been a little isolated and alone for the last couple of years. 😔 And even though Stan is made of metal, he's no different. Stan's heart has been broken and is longing for a companion to love and to greet him.

If you’ve ever had a pet, you know that each one is irreplaceable in your heart. And even though Otis was made of metal, he was no different. Who would have thought that a metal dog could bring so much joy to those around him. He was crafted with dedication and yep, love. Otis is irreplaceable. Even if I could do the hands-on metal work, I still wouldn’t be able to create another Otis. It was a design-as-you-go and let-your-heart-be-your-guide process and sculpture. There were no blueprints and really, not even any drawings.

But now, I’m working on a new companion for Stan. My goal in creating his new companion isn’t to bring Otis back, but to create a companion that is a constant reminder of Otis. Maybe the new companion is related to Otis, so has some of his characteristics but with a new twist. I think of it as a way to honor Otis’s memory without trying to replace him.

When I found out Otis had been stolen, I didn't think I would ever be able to create another companion for Stan. But now I'm learning a new way to create using computer aided design (CAD), computer drawings, cutout materials, and the help of others for some of the more physical labor my shoulder shouldn’t do. It’s been a steep learning curve … that’s for sure. I’ve gone from excited at the possibilities to frustrated at the roadblocks. And then, luckily, back to excited as I figure out and learn how to overcome those roadblocks. Last week, I created a 3D model of Stan’s new companion (my first model!!). I have to say, I’m pretty proud of myself (for the moment anyway).

I’ve sent the files off to the fabricator and hoping that I’ve done a good job spec’ing out what needs to be done. I’m definitely relying on some of my old engineering skills to do this. And believe me, they’re old. It’s been over 30 years since I used a CAD program. (yikes!) Luckily the tools are friendlier today and the internet exists to help get me through the process.

Now, I’m waiting excitedly and anxiously to hear back on how I did with the specs, and for the start of the fabrication process. You can follow along on Facebook and Instagram to see how this process goes. And I’ll definitely let you know here when the new dog is ready to meet Stan. Do you think Stan’s heart will be full? I know mine will.

Read the story of stan & otis on my website blog.


And speaking of full hearts, I couldn’t have been happier with my recent Valentine project. This year, I wanted to send out greetings of love since it’s been such tough times for the world, each other, and yeah, it’s been tough for me. I was grateful that this year I was (and am) in a mindset that I could do this. Sending out love is a great way to nurture love, and I’m working on getting better at this.

Surprising to me were the responses I received. Thank you!! I treasured every individual connection in emails, in social media, in texts, in person, and the biggest surprise were the valentines and cards I received in return. (add full heart emoji here…💗) I heard ‘it’s been years since I’ve gotten a valentine,’ ‘what a wonderful gift,’ and ‘my daughter loved getting her own valentine.’ I even loved and appreciated the message that said ‘I just wanted to let you know, I never received a Valentine,’ so I could remedy that. And I loved that I sent cards to people I’ve never met in person and some I’ve never connected with before … even to Calgary, Canada (the farthest place).

I had so much fun sending out the Valentine’s cards that I am planning on doing this next year ... and maybe making it an annual tradition. I even created a new internet domain name for it. (I’ll share that later when it’s ready.) So if you missed out this year, you can still sign up for next year. The link on my website is still active or click the button below. If you weren’t sure if this was a scam, or didn’t want to be a bother this year, sign up for next year … please! And yes, pass it on again to anyone who would like a Valentine card sent their way.

Most importantly, I want to say thank you for all I received in return. It was a blessing that filled my heart with love.

💗Angela

 
 

btw ... I'm working on some new hearts! The new designs are 'cutout' hearts based on my previous 'healing hearts' designs. Here's a sneak peak. I'm excited to get whole design figured out. Follow along on Facebook and Instagram. And I'll let you know here first when these are ready to sell.

not your average holiday blog...

ornaments 500.jpg

After my last blog and email to you, I was amazed and humbled by the heartfelt responses I received.  From you,  who have experienced depression and grief first hand.  From you, who have loved ones with mental illness and agonize over their well being.  From you, who have lost your fur baby and understand the hole it leaves in your heart.  And from you, who sent support and concern for me.  Thank you for sharing and making yourself vulnerable too…for 'daring greatly'.  It’s not easy to open up about what’s really going on in your heart…and head.  So thank you…again. 

just a laugh…

When I started writing my ‘daring greatly’ email, I was still in the throes of depression.  Gradually, that feeling began to lift, and then, one day, I laughed.  It was just a laugh, but I noticed it immediately. And I recognized it was something I hadn’t done for a while.  And that made me realize that I was feeling better.  There are still moments of sadness and grief over losing Bodie …almost everyday.  I miss that dog with all my heart.  And there is still a cloud, but I recognized that I am able to feel happiness and joy again.  It was just a laugh, but I am thankful for it and what it signifies for me.

even on a good day…
After that, I had planned to write about all the little things in life that can bring us joy…like laughter.  I had intended to write about all those little things that we forget about or don’t recognize that let us know things are okay.  I even wrote most of the email.  But I still had a nagging feeling inside and the writing didn’t feel authentic.  I wanted to tell you, and believe, that all you have to do is look for those little things in life that bring you joy.  And fundamentally I believe that, but I also know it can be more complicated than that.  I saw this quote on Facebook recently, and it conveys this perfectly, and sarcastically:   

good day and bad day small.jpg

Then, at some point, I realized that it’s ok for me to feel this way.  I know there are many things in my life that I'm grateful for and that bring me joy.  But I'll admit, I don’t always notice them.  Some days, I notice them more than others.  It’s the nature of the illness of depression (and life).  It can consume me, it can come in fits and waves, it can be an overarching feeling, or it can leave me.  My struggle, and for others like me, is to keep those feelings of gratefulness, purpose, and joy on a regular basis. 

my daily game of chess...
Just like my last email, I’m not telling you all of this to make you feel sorry for me, it's so you can recognize this struggle in yourself and/or others.  So you know it’s okay if you aren’t feeling the warm and fuzzies everyday … especially during the holidays.  And I want to let others in my life know that even if it doesn’t seem like it, I'm grateful for everything I do have… my husband, my home, my family, my friends, and warm emails and messages from you. 


purpose and gratitude...

2018_1028 me painting Czarnik logo 150.jpg

As my mood has ridden a roller coaster the last 5 months, I have been able to work on some of my art, before and after shoulder surgery (yes, another shoulder surgery!).  Working on this piece gave me something to focus on and feel productive doing.  And because it's a commission project (a big one at that), there was more of a sense of urgency to work on it.  The size itself has been a challenge for me...it’s about 5’x5’ and weighs over 50 lbs.  But I think I have risen to the task, especially with some help maneuvering it!  I have even been painting left handed after the surgery (yep, right shoulder surgery).  I think that's creating new pathways in my brain!


I'm also grateful for my art, and for my clients who want my artwork in their homes.  Thank you Becky and Tony!

2018_1129 Czarnik wip logo 150.jpg

AJB_Mult_Falls_150dpi 535px.jpg

My wish for you is a holiday full of happiness.  We all deserve that in our lives.  But if you’re having a tough time, I hope you find moments of joy and gratitude. It might be difficult, but I’m right here with you.  And every day, I see and embrace a little more.  Hopefully, you will too. 


thanks again for listening,
and thanks for just being here.

Angela 

daring greatly

daring greatly

In today’s world full of social media, it’s easy to think everyone has a picture-perfect life. But what if you don’t feel like smiling and laughing?  What if you don’t feel like getting out of bed?

"Bringing light to dark places"

"Bringing light to dark places"

I was touched by the wonderful response to my latest feature show when darkness comes.  I never imagined that my art and prose would connect with so many people.  At the reception in May, several people spoke with me about their own struggles with depression, and how my work resonated with their own experiences.  Some spoke to me about loved ones who struggle, and how they could see aspects of them in my art.  And at least one gallery visitors told me the show opened her eyes to issues she really didn't know much about.

when darkness comes

when darkness comes

Depression comes like a moonless night. You don't notice that it's arriving at first, but as the light begins to fade, you notice the darkness. Not all at once, but you can feel it coming, from dusk to full darkness. And then it consumes you...

I'm a perpetual postponer ...

I'm a perpetual postponer ...

I'm a procrastinator…I admit it.  A perpetual postponer, a putter offer, a prolonger.  It's my nature.  Sometimes, I break free from this norm and get things done early.  When I do, I celebrate.  I think to myself “I can do this all the time!”  This might last a few days, maybe a week.  But then, I am right back to putting things off again.

A Cornucopia Of ..

A Cornucopia Of ..

Last weekend, one of my friends confessed that cornucopia is her favorite word.  I have to agree that it’s a great word … in both sound and meaning.  As Carol says … it just feels good rolling off your tongue.  Go ahead … say it 3 times in a row … out loud! cornucopiacornucopiacornucopia!  Feels g00d doesn’t it?  (Carol’s gonna love this blog!)

Embracing Public Art

Embracing Public Art

I’m excited to finally announce that my sculpture embrace your inner light will be installed as public art in Beaverton, Oregon later this week!  The City of Beaverton and the Beaverton Downtown Association chose this piece after seeing it at Art On Broadway Gallery in Beaverton.  If you are in the area, I’d like to invite you to the sculpture dedication on Wednesday, November 9th at 4pm.